i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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