maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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