My vagina just recognized that song.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
