She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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