trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
