Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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