im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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