I think my vagina is haunted
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
