you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
