Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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