forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
