we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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