8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
