I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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