I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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