Moan for me like Helen Keller
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
