ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
