How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
