this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
