proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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