I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
