If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
