I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
