Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
