I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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