I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
