plz talk dirty to me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
