The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
