I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need moral support for this bender
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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