i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
