you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
