Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
