the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
