I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
