Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
