Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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