New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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