Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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