Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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