Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
