I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my sisters under your porch take her home
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
