Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
