So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
