If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
