Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
