Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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