Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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