Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
