Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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