You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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