Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
