Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
